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Robin Williams Quotes & Sayings

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
Robin Williams in American Comedian Quotes

Death is nature's way of saying, Your table's ready.
Robin Williams in DEATH AND DYING

Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...
Robin Williams in HUMOR

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say Stop, or I'll say stop again.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and tics meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!
Robin Williams in HUMOR

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress]
I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, `Back up, I don't know how big this gets.

Robin Williams in HUMOR

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?
Robin Williams in HUMOR

But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be.
Robin Williams in HUMOR

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