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You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?
Anonymous in FUNNY
We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing
Anonymous in FUNNY
Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical
Yogi Berra in FUNNY
Murphy's Laws (as posted in Arizona Humor) Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think Murphy's Third Law: In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Law's in FUNNY
More of Murphy's Law Murphy's Tenth Law: Mother Nature is a son-of-a-gun. Murphy's Eleventh Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so very ingenious. Murphy's Twelfth Law: Things get worse under pressure A few a
Murphy's Law's in FUNNY
As punishment for my contempt for authority, Fate has made me an authority myself
Anonymous in FUNNY
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees - upon being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks
Jason Kidd in FUNNY
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
Jack Handey in FUNNY
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
Don Quinn in FUNNY
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. - (Deep Thoughts) Saturday Ni
Jack Handey in FUNNY
A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start
Jack Handey in FUNNY
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
Billy Rose in FUNNY
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.
Franklin P. Jones in FUNNY
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Jack Handey in FUNNY
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
Richard Harkness in FUNNY
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones in FUNNY
Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Franklin P. Jones in FUNNY
Half of the people in the world are below average.
Anonymous in FUNNY
Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while. {after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics}.
Charles Barkley in FUNNY
Calvin): People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. (Hobbes): Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front? - Calvin and Hobbes
Bill Waterson in FUNNY
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Rich Cook in FUNNY
I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
Edward Chilton in FUNNY
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
William Clayton in FUNNY
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned me over and said. Look ... twins!
Rodeny Dangerfield in FUNNY
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!
Rodney Dangerfield in FUNNY
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein in FUNNY
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields in FUNNY
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
Max Frisch in FUNNY
Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Jarger in FUNNY
Time's fun when you're having flies.
Kermit the Frog in FUNNY
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